Turtle tales....part 1

Once a lady told me that she was writing a book about animals from a biblical perspective. She said that there were animals that could teach us very valuable lessons.

This must be true, since Proverbs tells us to consider the ant. Ants are some of the smallest creatures but they teach us a huge lesson about hard work and togetherness....God is so awesome!

I remember a pet turtle my daughter had. She told her boyfriend once that she liked turtles and he bought her one for Christmas! While we were out of town, he called to tell her, her gift had arrived.

I didn't think much of it....I like turtles too and didn't think it would be a problem. We got home and there she was. My daughter likes Etta James and named her in honor of her. Etta (the turtle..lol)was a petite little red eared slider with black shiny eyes.....she would peer at you...real mean like ....lol She wasn't afraid of us at all.

My daughter's boyfriend said that she had arrived via UPS from North Carolina in a Big Mac type container. They opened the container...it was full of peat moss. They said she parted the peat moss with her tiny sturdy limbs...and looked up right into their faces as if to say, "I made it y'all!!" Real Etta James like...lol. Boyfriend's mother said, "Oh I like her!"....lol

One weekend my daughter went away and informed me that I would have to watch her. Turtles are a huge responsibility....you have to feed them, change their water constantly...play with them, etc.

That rainy Saturday morning, I went to her tank and picked her up. She clawed and scratched, trying to pry herself from my grip. She stared at me...real doubtful like....I stared back at her.Why you so mean?, I said. She scratched me in response. I put my face close to hers and pursed my lips as if to kiss her (I didn't...I aint crazy..lol) and smacked "mwah"...she looked at me....and smacked back..."mwah" Uh huh...this aint just happen, I thought in my down home way....I did it again...."mwah"...."mwah" she smacked back.

Etta and I had fun that day. She became my baby....lol. I would feed her....I even took her to the Vet....when she got sick. The nurse at the Vet made a file and wanted to take a picture of Etta and I....to put on the front. Uh huh, that's a bit much, I thought. The Vet said Etta had become bored with her food and needed protein added to her diet.

I rushed out and bought her tiny blood worms and fish. This was certainly what she needed as she grew and became healthier.

Etta bought me so much joy....she love swimming laps at night in her tank...she would get under her sun lamp and *sun bathe* I would watch her swim and swim until I'd fall asleep.

Once, I was getting ready to leave the house and had to run upstairs to my bedroom to get something. She heard me coming upstairs and peered up at me as I walked in the door. I searched the bedroom looking for the item (probably my keys..lol) and she swam from one end of the tank to the other, following me.

I would frequently wash my hands in a lemon scented hand soap (you should constantly wash your hands while handling turtles) Etta would take a deep whiff of my hand, inhaling the lemony mist that would rest in my palm. She'd fall fast asleep, in that lemon scented valley...lol

I loved that mean green thing.

We used to keep her tank in the dining room. Sometimes I would get up in the middle of the night to go downstairs to pray (and check on Etta) One night I found her sound asleep, with her claws clutching the side of her rock. Her tiny shell was in the water (which was ice cold, but shouldn't have been) only her head was above water.

Her position spoke to me: No matter how dangerous the waters of affliction are, we must cling to the ROCK...CHRIST

Don't know how she managed to stay alive that night. Turtles aren't strong swimmers. She didn't have the strength to climb to the top of the huge rock she could only cling to the side. Etta was real trooper. That's when I decided to put her tank upstairs in my room, so we could watch out for each other, when the nighttime waters were cold and icy.

She came at a time in my life when I need so much peace. I had just gone through a very painful separation and had to immediately become the caregiver for a sick loved one. I was drained and depleted.

I did some research on baby turtles and found out that each one has their own unique personality. They find it difficult to trust. They are separated from their mothers and don't have anyone to care for them. Their eggs are buried in the sand and if they make it....which lot of them don't because other animals will eat their eggs....they have to fight to stay alive.

Much like my life, I thought.

I loved Etta but never got the sense that she completely trusted me. She was mean, feisty and skeptical.

One morning we put warm water in her tank....she loved the warm water and begin to swim her morning laps.....she swam back and forth.....back and forth....pausing briefly to give us a suspicious glance. Now she had grown much because of all the care we gave her and it was now time for a bigger tank. We had planned to get the tank...that day I think.

Anyway, she turned to take another lap in her tank and ran head on into the huge rock that she sunbathed on! Whew! that must have really hurt, I thought. I could tell by the way she was moving she was in pain. In her painful state...it was like she became confused and swam into the rock again....this time killing herself.

We have to be careful what we do in pain. Pain can cloud our judgment and make us delusional...causing us to create more pain.

At first, I thought she was resting. She had become real still...but when I checked on her later...she was dead.

In case you're wondering...no we didn't cry but we were very sad. Tiny as she was....she had become apart of our family. She took my mind off of my troubles and gave me a *project* to work on....I had considered getting goldfish or some plants or making a vegetable garden on the patio...Etta was more interesting than those things.

Women are nurturers and feel the need to do so during painful, lonely times.

To make a long story short.....we buried her in my daughter's boyfriend's backyard. It was so funny his mom had gotten attached to her as well.....they cared for her when we were out of town and when Christmas came that year...his mom had gone to the dollar store to buy wrapping paper and purchased a tiny doll outfit for Etta....lol....this is a true story folks...lol

Now I didn't go to the burial...lol....I went to work....they dug a nice place in their flower garden for her....my daughter's *mother in law*....lol....had bought a turtle made of stone to place in her garden. They buried Etta underneath.

After the burial, they called to ask why I didn't come to the funeral. I reminded them that I had to work. They said they were about the have the repast...lol

Turtle tales....part 2

It was a little over a month and I missed my pet. Actually my daughter's pet. "I'd like another one" I told my daughter one day while we sat, discussing Etta. My daughter said she didn't want any part of owning another turtle. She said it was too sad when Etta died and she didn't like feeling that way. Plus she felt like it was a huge responsibility.

I didn't mind...we still had all the equipment and I missed my routine of caring for a pet. Growing up I 'd never had pets, other than an occasional goldfish...who would usually die the same month.

Etta was purchased from a Christian company that Boyfriend found on the internet. Although red eared sliders were illegal in Maryland and couldn't be sold here, the company would sell you starter equipment and allow you to *adopt* a baby turtle. You even got the little adoption papers and everything...lol

It was settled in my mind....I wanted to to *adopt*. After much tripedation, daughter agreed and we set out to *adopt* another turtle...another girl.

One cool March afternoon, my cell phone rung, "She's here!" it was my daughter calling to inform me that Tia had arrived. Tia was a name that I had decided on a while back. Guess I'm corny like that, I thought after making my decision. I wanted to be able to say Tia the turtle...Tammy the turtle, you know,stuff like that...lol

"Oh my goodness! I thought she was dead. When we opened the container, she just laid there for a long while and finally she decided to move." my daughter continued.

"Hmph...I'll check it out when I get home..I'm just glad she's here." I replied.

When I finally made it home that evening, first thing I did was check on Tia. There she laid, scrawny and lame looking. Tia was gazing off in the distance and never let her eyes focus on any particular thing.

Guess the UPS ride was too traumatic for her, I thought.

I picked her up. "Hey, Tia!" I said real cheery like. Tia just let her limbs dangle and flop around. Her tiny little head flopped to one side, never looking at me. What's wrong with her? I wondered.

The next few days, I paid close attention to Tia. She seemed to be Etta's polar opposite. I started out with the turtle food...she seemed to eat that okay. She slept okay too. Still, during waking moments she failed to thrive.

All in all Tia was still sweet. She was growing slowly and seemed to like attention. I purchased a small play box for her and a stout little ceramic turtle. After placing her in the box, she immediately scurried underneath the fake turtle, but became sad again once she realized it wasn't real.

Maybe she needs a playmate, I thought after watching her just lay there one day. I immediately vetoed that idea after I thought how much work it would be.

Everyday, I worked on Tia. We would place her in her playbox and she would squirm around, sometimes landing on her shell, with her feet up. She would lay there looking depressed and helpless. The sight of that would make me rush to turn her over. I did a little research and found out that when they thrash around and wind up on their back, it wasn't good to help. They would instinctively learn to roll over. This would help to strengthen their limbs.

One day, Tia was squirming around and wound up on her back. She lamely moved her limbs around and then laid there real helpless like. She stopped moving completely, laid there on her back, cocking her head to one side.

"Get up, Tia!" we yelled. "Girl, get up!" Tia wouldn't budge. I reach down to help and her my daughter laughed and said, "Ma don't help her..she's got to learn."

"I know, I know" I said reaching down to turn her over. I looked down at her and warned, "Tia if you don't learn to turn over, this will be the death of you!" I turned her over and she curled up apparently traumatized by the event.

Tia grew slowly. I purchased her fish as I had done for Etta, it took her three days to attack and eat. The book suggested that you not feed them, so that they would learn to hunt and attack the live food. Tia seemed afraid of the fish. She would hide from them under the rock in her tank.

Hiding was what Tia seemed to do best, yet something amazing was happening. She was learning to trust me. I could pick her up and talk to her, she would not fight she would just lay there and listen to me. I could let her go and she would climb up on my shoulder and just lay there, looking at my face.

Tia was adorable. Once I was laying on my bedroom floor praying, as I laid there prostrate, I could feel myself going to another dimension as I focused on the needs I was placing before God.
At one point I just happened to look up at Tia's tanks and she had come from under her rock and was staring directly at me. I pressed my face against her tank...she reached up as if to place her tiny claw on my cheek. This tripped me out!

Tia didn't sunbathe like Etta, didn't seem to eat much or enjoy swimming laps. She would just sleep most of the time.

One thing for sure though, Tia LOVED Boyfriend...lol. She would come alive when she saw him and bonded with him quickly. He would play with her and talk to her all the time, she loved and trusted his hand.

I was planning to relocate. I had gotten laid off my job and my daughter was leaving to go to graduate school. Boyfriend was the next in line to adopt Tia. So it was set. Tia would leave for her new home in Virginia, in a month or so.

One cold Sunday afternoon, we played with her all day. It seem to be one of the most animated days for her...she did some little tricks I had taught her. My daughter's boyfriend was there and when he picked Tia up, she nestled her tiny little shell in his huge palm and immediately went to sleep. There they sat, Tia and Boyfriend resting on the couch as boyfriend watched a movie.

Tia was so lively that day we took several picutres of her, as she crawled around on the floor and played in her play box. She is coming around slowly but surely, I thought smiling, watching my hard work finally pay off.

I had decided to go visit someone that evening. "Time for Tia to get back in her tank" I informed boyfriend. She had been out of her tank pretty much all day and needed some moisture now. I filled her tank with fresh warm water, careful not to fill the tank too high. As I mentioned before, turtles are not strong swimmers. Her rock was always higher than her water, so that she could reach a safe place.

Our ROCK is always higher than our waters too, I thought.

I placed Tia in her tank. She'd always approached every new experience with a hopeless demeanor. It was as if she felt like she didn't have the instinct to figure it out.

I asked my daughter to check on her in a little while. She said she would.

When I returned from my evening out. There she was. She had possibly climbed up on her rock and dived into the water. She landed on her back and didn't turn over...she drowned.

I went in my daughter's room. "I told you to check on Tia, she drowned!" I was sad and knew my daughter hadn't checked on Tia the way I would have wanted her to. I knew my daughter felt awful, so I didn't say anything else about it.

Lifting Tia from her tank, her eyes were still opened, she had the look of fright on her face.

Now here the kicker. As I mentioned in Turtle Tales Pt 1. I was going through a very painful dark time in my life. I wasn't sure what I was feeling at times. With every new set of circumstances, I would respond either in anxiety or depression. I could be despondent for few days at times over the most simple things, often asking myself, what am I going to do?

While staring at Tia the Lord spoke, If you don't use your God given ability, your troubled waters will over take you and the be the death of you...'

He let me know that Tia had been given to me to show me where I was. She had the ability to turn over, the ability to rise up...but she focused more on her fear and the troubled waters and not her God given ability. She drowned in waters she could have easily risen above.

WOW!

Now Tia deserved nice little burial, but where, I thought.

I decided to take her to the duck pond located in a business park near my home. Often times I would go there to pray and cry out to God.

I found a tiny box for her and wrapped her in tissue paper, and there I laid her to rest underneath the weeping willow tree.

If you don't know who you are there are people waiting to assign you an identity....

God spoke those exact words to my spirit one day. This came, a few years ago, after a very well meaning woman tried to speak into my life. Truly she meant well...but clearly she was not speaking to who I was.....I immediately recognized this.

I started looking around at others and our society and noticed how this was true on so many levels. It's the reason we have gangs....it's the motivation behind many evils.

People really count on you not being in touch with yourself. It empowers them......

When Jesus was tempted in the wilderness what was the first thing that the devil went after? HIS IDENTITY!

In Matthew 4:3-10 the tempter came three times and tempted Jesus. The tempter said," If though be the Son of God, command these stones to be made bread....If though be the Son of God, cast thyself down...All these things will I give thee if though will fall down and worship me....(paraphrased)

The tempter tempted him to see if: he knew who he was....if he knew the Word....if he knew who to worship......

A person who truly knows who they are...doesn't have to prove it...they simply walk in it. Jesus did just that.

We (the creature) cannot know who we are until we know the Creator. Knowing the Creator is a life long process...so is knowing self.....the more we endeavor to know ourselves, the more he unfolds. Remember we are made in His image and likeness....we are given the ability to function like Him.

Now all this can be scary. People will become uncomfortable with you. They will reject and withdraw themselves from you. They like the you...that is not in touch with self. That *you* can be influence by them....controlled and manipulated.

I would say to everyone reading this....STAY ON THE COURSE TO SELF DISCOVERY!! You will find out some amazing things about yourself.....some beautiful things....some phenomenal things.

Some people won't take this journey because...you may have to face some ugly aspects of self before you tap into the true beauty....your uniqueness....some of the most beautiful precious stones come from the ugliest sources.....God has purposely hid them there.....

Others won't discover their identity because it takes work....they are complacent and uncomfortable with being.....alone or despised. To them it's a fearful thing. They stay in the midst of people who have influenced them...they feel safe there....they try to squeeze in other people's mold.

The person who knows and is in the process of knowing who they are, recognizes there is no mold for them....when they see one being formed by others they go the other way.

Don't like the kind of relationships....and friendships....that are coming your way? STAY ON THE COURSE OF SELF DISCOVERY....you would be amazed at what you will begin to attract....:)

I may never be popular....or accepted.....I am rare...what I desire is rare.....where I'm headed...is rare....only those on that same journey can accompany me.....

Only have people around you that celebrate who you are and what you bring......


See you on the journey,

Taco talent...

Okay so from time to time you will see me post something silly. I have a sense of humor and the Lord allows me to use it, with in reason. I was telling my daughter this morning that the older I get the more I'm like my father. Now that was a funny, silly man...lol


Anyway, Saturday I stopped at Taco Bell. I drove up to the speaker to contemplate my order. "Would you like to try our combo?" a smooth voice asked over the menu speaker.

"No" I replied and continued to look over the menu. The young man and I continued to talk, like we had called each other on the phone. I eventually told him what I wanted, something that clearly wasn't on the menu. "Aw, I think I can arrange that for you" he responded before telling me to drive around to the first window.



Now this guy has a really nice speaking voice I thought as I approached the first window.....bet he sells a lot of combos. Now notice,I told him I didn't want a combo but he talked me into getting one anyway....lol



I pulled up to the window. He turned around and smiled broadly at me.




When I saw his teeth,the smile on my face froze. Did you know that you could look at someone's teeth and they not know it? Well you can. I stared at his teeth wondering why they were the color and texture of the shell of a crunchy taco.....

This guy had great customer service skills. I just had to tell him. "You have a great speaking voice" I said. He smiled even brighter.

"Oh I really have trouble at night" he replied.

I stared at him blankly as I watched him bagging up my order. He continued, "One woman wanted to grab me and take me home with her." Now this time I'm still staring. Are we having two different conversations? I wondered.

"Yeah, it's pretty hard on me" he continued sticking out his chest, still smiling broad as ever...."Especially when they drive around the corner and see that I'm cute!"

Once upon a time....

Once upon a time there was a girl, who was a prisoner in a dungeon. Her cellmates were: Rejection, Sadness, Self loathing, Hurt, Pain, Frustration, Anger,Fear, Rage, Lust, Gluttony, Bitterness, Sexual abuse, Depression, Loneliness, Shame, and Guilt.

They fought night and day in the cell. Not a moments rest could be found in the crowded hovel.


Now she was completely different from her cell mates. She was bright, sensitive, passionate, funny, attractive, spiritual, kind, loving, generous...a natural born leader. If only she knew it...others could peer inside her cell......gazing at her.

She desperately wanted to get out but felt that someone had thrown away the key. Every year she hoped for release, every year she was denied.

With each day her cell mates grew, gorging themselves on prison grub.

"Oh if there was a way out"...she groaned day and night. Unbeknownst to her, her cell mates had scrawled *UN* in front of WORTHY on the back of her prison togs.

One day she visited the prison library. She came across a book but almost passed it by because she didn't like its cover.

Taking the book back to her cell, she read day and night. Sometimes laughing, sometimes crying.

Now this seemed to confuse and frighten her cell mates.

On the last page of the book was a golden key. One evening in the gooey darkness as her cell mates slept....a bright light beamed on the key causing it to glisten.

"Is this the key to unlock my cell?", she thought as she ripped the key from the page. She clinched the key with such resolve, her fingers throbbed with pain. Holding on for what seemed like an eternity, she shivered listening to Fear having nightmares as he growled and squirmed on the cot in front of her.

Fear was the ruffian on the cell block. He kept everyone in line. She knew she would have to cross him to get to the prison gate.

Tightening her grip on her key, she rose boldly, creeping over their frigid bodies, she made her way to the prison gate.

Tracing the cold iron bars with her finger, she found the lock. Thrusting her key in the keyhole, she heard a sound unfamiliar to her, she realized it was the sweet sound of freedom.

Slamming the gate behind her, she swallowed her key and lived happily ever after.


Amen~

Morning glow.....

I think I am finally coming out of my shell....again. I can feel myself peeking out to see if it is safe this time. My troubles have beat down on my shell like fierce rains. It took me a long while to realize I was safe all along..... Now that I am coming out (of my shell) I am wondering.....I was talking to my brother yesterday. I like talking to him.....we really should talk more. His voice, just like mine is full of positive energy. He was telling me of all the things he had recently done....most of the things may have seen basic to some but to him, they were major feats. I then told him about some awesome things that we we were going to do. I meant us as a family. I believe all my father's children are gifted. My brother basically told me that he could see what I was going to do...he told me that I was going to be the first one to do this particular thing....that blessed me.......

Solving the Mystery.....

What does it mean when God says, He understand you. The Lord spoke to me and said, "I understand your hardships and struggles..." I pondered this for several days and kept thinking what does it mean when God tells you something that is very obvious? We know that He is all
knowing....Omniscient.

I must admit however, that I was certainly comforted by the fact that God had assured me that he understood but still I was perplexed.

It's like when the Lord God spoke to Adam in the Garden of Eden and said, "Where art thou?"(Gen 3;9)
God knew exactly where Adam was from every perspective....geographically, spiritually, cognitively...etc. Yet He still asked him. God wanted Adam to search himself to find out where he was....from every perspective.

Regarding me, He wants me to seek Him, the Omniscient One so that I may thoroughly understand my hardships and my struggles.......from every aspect.

What's wrong with folks?.....

I mean I would really like to know the answer to that question... I went out tonight for a drive and decided to stop at Safeway to get some ice cream. Actually I had the taste for a milkshake but after going through a couple of fastfood drivethru windows and being told the "shake machine wasn't working this evening"...I decided to make my own.

Anway, I get my items and make my way to the checkout line, only to discover whose line it was. The woman(who I'm tempted to call Foodzilla..but I won't) whose line I vowed to NEVA get in again. This woman is full of attitude. No, she's downright abusive! She always has this look on her face like you woke her up and came to her house to beg for food and now you are asking her to bag up the food.

There were two woman in front of me, with lots of food in their carts....but on the counter there are two plums, a yellow onion, a gallon of vinegar and a watermelon. The woman directly in front of me is trying to figure out whose food is rolling around on the counter toward the cashier. She looks towards me and I shook my head no and then she looks toward the cashier. The cashier snaps at the woman and says, "JUST PUT THAT STUFF IN A BASKET!! I DON'T KNOW WHO IT BELONGS TO!!" still acting like we are in her kitchen.

The woman ahead of me, sheepishly backed her cart out of the aisle, leaving the unclaimed items rolling down the counter. She looked at me nervously and said, "You can go ahead." Now the items are in front of me. There's a young guy....who usually bags the groceries sitting on the counter,flipping through a magazine watching all this..

I kind chuckled to myself as I realized that these food items had been rolling and rolling a long time...the plums, onion and watermelon started rolling backwards. I thought, even the food doesn't want to deal with Foodzil....I mean the cashier.

Another woman was standing behind me...she had been standing there for a while, watching. The cashier sighed heavily and started snatching the items off the counter and put them in a return basket. The woman behind me says, "Oh! those are my things!" The cashier turn around with fire in her eyes and hissed through clinched teeth, "Dag! she does this every night!"

The lady behind me laughed nervously and said, "YUP!" Then looks at me and says, "She had some other customers and I needed a few more things so I just left my stuff here to go get some other stuff"

My First........

Blog that is....lol

This is so cool. I had been debating whether or not to create a blog. I thought I would share too much. (smile) Still I felt like I needed an outlet. I have always kept journals....for as far back as I can remember.

I hope to write about a variety of different topics. Mostly, I'd like to share what I feel the Lord has placed on my heart as I make this journey through life.

One of the down sides I feel about all this is that people.....will read and log on just to see what's going on with you. They can find out details about your life without really keeping in touch with you. Oh well, if you're a real friend, you'll holla back